We conducted a survey to know the biggest challenge faced by parents in modern times and what came to light was the difficulty faced by parents to ‘convince their child to do something’. So we researched many articles, asked experts and have derived the parenting secrets or rather top ways for you to convince your child to do something.
Why should you follow these parenting secrets to convince your child?
- These parenting secrets will enhance the self-esteem of your child.
- Children will be motivated to respect your views and opinions.
- They will develop a feeling of confidence about themselves as an individual.
- These tips if used consistently will promote a sense of security among children.
- A healthy parent-child relationship is key to most of the parenting problems.
In an ideal world, parents would always be calm, composed and nurturing, and kids would always be cooperative and make smart choices. But we are living in a fast-paced world full of roller coaster rides, so we parents need a few tips and tricks to preserve our sanity when the workload levels are high, and our patience levels are too thin.
“If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.” –Bette Davis
Listing down a few useful hacks I use to deal with my young children Nabhanyu (10 years) and Daksh (5 Years) which help me manage them and their tantrums efficiently.
Parenting Secrets to convince your child revealed- Read on
Tip 1. Be clear while giving instructions
Children expect and love consistency and order from their parents. If you tell your child to stop watching TV else they will not get to watch it the next day, please don’t allow them to watch it the next day. If you fail to follow your own rules, children will never follow them. The secret tip here is to give them some time to get ready to follow the instructions. For instance, in the above case of TV, it would help to tell your child that you would want them to switch off the TV in the next five minutes. This will help your child to expect what’s coming and they will be less likely to fuss or throw tantrums about it. Abruptly switching off the TV will challenge their ego and they will retaliate. Follow this pattern for all other instances like going to bed, cleaning up etc.
Tip -2: Praise, Encourage & Compliment:
Like other human beings, kids like to feel accomplished and special, and you can use that to your advantage. Just reminding them of how well-behaved they have been in the past can encourage them to continue with that good behaviour and adherence to follow what you are saying or requesting them to do.
Encourage and support your kids coz children are apt to live up to what you believe of them.- Lady Bird Johnson
Everyone likes reward and recognition. So, complimenting for good deeds, motivate children and they continue to encash the opportunities to earn parent’s attention and become their pride. A secret tip here would be to keep small notes in their schoolbags, lunchboxes or to write a letter of appreciation for them. You will be happy to see them more responsive in the future, given the dose of appreciation they receive.
Tip -3: Choose your words wisely:
Words are immensely powerful. We should be very careful and should not be criticizing children at least in front of other people. To ensure that someone maintains a certain positive attitude, compliment them often and beforehand. People are more likely to follow you if they have your approval, rather than trying to win it. You don’t know how far people will go when they already have something to lose (a good impression they have on you).
I had a problem child in my neighbourhood and people would keep screaming or scolding at him. He would trouble my children too while playing, I would start each day by saying ‘You’re going to be a good boy today!’
And every time he would misbehave, I would say ‘hey, you’re a good boy, right?’
He would say yes and stop doing it. Whenever I used to meet his mom, I made a point of telling her how good he was. That child eventually stopped misbehaving. The secret which lies here is positive reinforcement which helps kids to develop self-esteem, thus encouraging repetitive positive behaviour.
Tip-4: Give attractive choices:
I struggle sometimes with my younger one to make him study, so instead of asking “Should we study now? “I modify it to “would you like to write or practice on a writing pad or a new copy? Would you like to know some new fun concepts? etc.
Giving choices will enable children to know the cause and effect relationship of behaviour displayed by them. For example, you may tell a child to clear the mess in their cupboard so that they don’t have to scavenge for things when they need something. It can save time. So they will know that they are subject to irritation (effect) when they cannot find their things easily is because of the mess (cause).
He gets too delighted with these choices and options that he forgets that he didn’t want to do it in the first place. Don’t forget to appreciate them for making a good choice.
Tip -5: Understand their problems/reservations:
Parents often forget that while they have given birth to children, they are different individuals with different likes and dislikes which may or may not match with theirs. Acceptance is the key. If they are resistive or angry about something, try to calm them down and explain to them patiently the pros and cons of their decision. The secret to doing this is to have a 15 minutes chat time with your kids every day. This will make them feel valued and develop a sense of confidence. The resulting good behaviour is sure to follow.
Tip -6: Add humour in conversations:
It gets easier to convince kids when they are laughing and are in a good mood. Even if the project or assignment they are doing is repetitive and boring, if we sit with them and try to make it little funny by adding some relatable stories or anecdotes, something which we did in childhood to complete the task etc. children would feel motivated and will finish it happily.
I often share my stories with them and relive my childhood with them.
You can use some funny line in between which makes them laugh, you can look into their eyes and at some point tell them,” Don’t laugh on this word… just don’t laugh” and as child psyche works, they will laugh again and again 😊
Tip -7: Stay Calm, do not raise your voice:
This is the easiest tip we have often heard as parents BUT most difficult tip to implement. During this lockdown times with additional responsibilities, the emotions are already heightened, and temper issues have increased.
Children are very sensitive. By threatening or shouting at them, they might do certain things now but in the long term, this approach will not work. We need to develop a bond and understanding gradually. Levelling up to them, looking into their eyes and gently persuading them to do a task is a long-known parenting secret to get children to do something.
Tip-8: Lead by example:
We need to lead by example, rather than telling children to perform or do certain things, we do that and set an example. I have heard many parents complaining about their children not having a reading habit. When I ask them what they do in their leisure time, they say they watch TV or browse the internet. This is exactly where the answer lies, if you are busy all day with screens and gadgets, children too look up to us and follow us. Something which we cannot do; should not be expected from children.
However, the basic principle stays in understanding your child. Each child is unique and is blessed with unique skills. We should not get intimated by our peer or societal pressures which nowadays affects many parents intentionally or unintentionally. We try to impose our choices and dreams onto them, we forget that they are a new sapling and we should allow them to grow, explore and shine. A plant cannot grow in closed room and boundaries. It needs sunlight, warmth, water and care.
Our children are exactly like small plants which need to be nurtured with lots of love and care for them to flourish into a beautiful plant. Before raising our children, we should also learn the art of raising ourselves.
“We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.”
— Stacia Tauscher, dancer and artist
Tip 9- Provide challenges
Who doesn’t love to take up challenges? As far as kids are concerned, turn a task into a challenge and you will see the ball rolling. You may set time limits and provide challenges to kids to beat themselves in achieving a task. For instance, you may tell them to challenge their own behaviour. Say, “Let me see how many tables you can learn in a day?”,”Would you like to facelift/get creative with your room and make it look better?”
While the above tips are my parenting secrets, there could be other ways which can help in your parenting, as every parent has a different story to tell. Try these parenting secrets to convince your child and let us know what difference it made in your life and in your relationship with your kids.
Please share your parenting secrets (something that works for you)with us so that we can add to this resource for other parents.